X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X: Which socks do you use?
Y: Baba’s

X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international company???
Y: No, He is my roommate

The brain said, “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The eyes said, “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The hands said, “Without me we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The stomach said, “I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

The legs said, “Without me we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”

Then the rectum said, “I think I should be in charge.”
All the rest of the parts said, “YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don’t do anything! You’re not as important as we surely are! You can’t be in charge.” So the rectum closed up.

After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy.
They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this shit and agreed to put the rectum in charge.

The moral of the story? You don’t have to be the most important to be in charge..you Just have to be an Asshole.

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
“A Troubled User”

#### REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual underWarnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear ” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs.

Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W – Wife)

H – “Hello?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
H – “Yes.”

W -”Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H -”What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,000.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”

W – “Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a
really good price . and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $65,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…
H -”What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s
for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $450,000 — a magnificent price…and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?”

W – “OK,sweetie…Thanks! I’ll see you later!! I love you!!!”
H – “Bye…I love you too…”

The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks “Does anyone know who this Cellphone belongs to???”

ideal husband

Friends

The salesperson answers, ” Which one? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks: “What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
the others only $19.95?”

The salesperson annoyingly answers :

“Sir…, “Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken’s Car,
Ken’s House,
Ken’s Boat,
Ken’s Furniture and…
Ken’s Computer.

Friends